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Review of ranalore's "The Calm Before", by sparktastic [Nov. 23rd, 2004|02:06 am]
The Critically Constructive Feedback Project


[Current Mood |accomplished]

Jem your friendly mod, here, but I'm posting for sparktastic who is the one who actually wrote the review. :-)

Title: The Calm Before
Author: Rana Eros (ranalore)
Fandom: SV
Rating: R
Reviewed by: sparktastic

First off, I love your writing style. I browsed
through a few of your fics before settling on this
one, and I was struck every time by the flow of the
words in your sentences, through your paragraphs.
It's just beautiful to follow you through the world
you weave. I've deliberately not reread Jacyn's
original fic, as I wanted to just look at your
writing. As I expect you've taken the original
concept from Jacyn, I'm sticking with the stylistic
things as opposed to the plot. Hope you'll forgive,
but I got hooked in the first paragraph, and wanted to
fangirl this. :)

First off, this is just personal preference, but I
have to say, I love the way you use second person in
this. There's an amazing intimacy in this voice, with
all the authorial control that comes with it. I think
it works really well for the way Lex thinks, the way
his voice comes across (in the show, and in your

Second, the use of dialogue, weighted as it is at the
end, is a clever switch, and I think works quite well.
Kind of like surfacing before you leave us, rather
than leaving us submerged in your evocative prose. :)

Third, and this is what I find the most compelling in
everything of yours, I adore the way you use language
to create a mood, a feeling. I feel along with
Lex here, and it's so potent I don't mind sounding a
bit ridiculous, and saying so. *g* I love the way I
feel electrified and wet as I read about them kissing
in the storm. You evoke the sensations of the scene
so well, I don't just see it, I feel it in my
fingertips and toes, across the nape of my neck. And
I don't know that I have to mention this, as it's
quite obvious (to me, anyway!) but fucking HOT OMG.
This line sums it up for me: There's a rhythm to
his voice that feeds your wanting, and that's
... There's a rhythm to your writing that
feeds my readerly wanting, and I know it's a personal
choice thing, but it works so well for me, I just had
to commend you for it.

Um. So, I'm not sure that's particularly constructive
feedback, more like extended fangirling, maybe. If I
have one tiny niggle of complaint, is maybe that the
dialogue is too long? Not that I think any of it
should remain unsaid, but perhaps it would flow more,
keep the mood for longer if it was imbedded in the
beautiful description which preceded it, leaving
perhaps only the last two or so lines freestanding,
without sensory qualification.

Otherwise... well, can I just say that you rock? Yep.
And everyone should read your stuff, because
beautiful writing transcends fandom, imho. :D

Pleasure to be able to read you for this challenge.

[User Picture]From: ranalore
2004-11-23 04:40 am (UTC)
::prints this out::

::frames it::

Seriously, I am just...speechless. Thank you so much.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: sparktastic
2004-11-28 09:02 am (UTC)
Pleasure, my dear!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)